


UP TO GOD... AND LOVE

by ksstarfire



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, partners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 09:39:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8367457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksstarfire/pseuds/ksstarfire
Summary: A stakeout goes bad. A partner lies near death. Can love prevail over death?





	

“Hey Hutch. When’s Starsky getting back from New York?”

“Tomorrow, Babcock. I talked to him this morning and he said his mom is doing great after her surgery and is tired of having him underfoot!” Hutch laughed as did Babcock, because both knew that was far from the truth. He looked across his desk to his partner’s empty chair. Sure would be good when he got back as Hutch was tired of being stuck on desk duty while he was gone.

“Hutchinson! My office now!”

He got up and quickly walked into Captain Dobey’s office. “What’s up Cap’n?”

“There’s a stakeout this afternoon. Arms dealers. Mark Jeffers, the new detective, needs a partner because his is out sick. They just need someone to cover for a couple of hours today.”

“Sure. Where do I meet him? And when?”

“That’s probably him now.” Captain Dobey said as they heard a knock on the hallway door.

“Sorry Captain Dobey. I had to take my wife some medicine for nausea. She’s nine months pregnant and having some trouble.” He saw Hutch standing there and put out his hand. “Hi. Mark Jeffers. You must be Hutchinson. Nice to meet you.”

“’Hutch’. Nice to meet you too.” He reached out and shook hands. “Let’s head out and you can fill me in on what’s happening. Later Cap.”

The two headed out of the office and down to the parking garage. Hutch motioned toward his car and Jeffers stopped walking. “Does that even run?”

“Are you related to my partner Starsky?”

“No. Why?”

“Just get in the car.”

On the way to the stakeout Jeffers filled Hutch in on the operation. A man had been arrested and the Feds offered him a deal if he would tell about the arms dealers the police had been trying to catch. They were believed to be operating in a warehouse in a run-down area near the docks.

Jeffers guided Hutch into an alley were they could park without being seen but would still have a clear view of the warehouse. Hutch shut his car off and spoke. 

“Why’re we only here for a couple of hours?”

“Feds are taking over. But until they get on site we need to keep an eye on things.”

“Are we parked where they’ll need to be?”

“No, they’re setting up in that empty building across the street. They have a man undercover with the group and I guess he told them the bosses would be here tonight to broker the deal. So they want all the glory.”

“Figures.” Hutch snorted.

“You said your wife’s pregnant?”

“Yeah, Nine months along, first kid.” His face split into a huge grin. “We’ve been trying for a couple of years.”

Just then they saw the front door of the warehouse swing open and a handcuffed man was shoved outside and to his knees. The two watched as another man walked up behind the man on the ground. They could hear the second man shouting something about ‘a narc’.

Jeffers pushed his door open and got out of the car.

“What are you doing?” Hutch hissed at him.

“They’re going to shoot that man!” He started to work his way to the opening of the alley with his gun drawn.

Hutch quickly exited the car and started after Jeffers. He had just reached him when they were sighted and shots were fired toward them.

Hutch grabbed Jeffers and pulled him back from the edge of the alley, shoving him behind his body. “Call for backup!” He gave him a push toward the car.

Hutch started shooting back but there wasn’t enough cover for him to hide behind. He was spun around as a bullet hit him in the left chest. As he fell another hit him on the right side of his head. He didn’t move from where he fell. His last fleeting thought was about Starsky and how mad he would be that he had gotten himself shot.

Jeffers came running back from the car and managed to drag Hutch out of the mouth of the alley and then pulled him back to the car. He shoved Hutch in the passenger seat and ran around to get in the driver’s side. He started the car and backed down the alley, ducking as shots hit the windshield.

As soon as he cleared the alley he turned the car and drove red light and siren toward Memorial Hospital. He picked up the radio and spoke. “Officer down! Shots fired at 37901 Dockside Street. Possible execution of undercover officer.”

“Dispatch here. Is that the officer down?”

“Detective Hutchinson was hit as well. I am in route to Memorial with him in the car. Please advise Captain Dobey and Memorial.”

“10-4 will advise. ETA Memorial?”

“Ten minutes.” He quickly checked on Hutch. “Hutch? Can you hear me? Hutch? Advise Memorial he’s not conscious and I think he was hit more than once.”

“10-4.”

He dropped the mike and concentrated on getting to the hospital as quick as he could. He could see Hutch was losing way too much blood. He began to say a silent prayer. If Hutch died, it would be his fault.

*****

Seven minutes later he slammed on the brakes outside the ER doors. Staff was there and lifting Hutch out before the car stopped rocking. Two patrol cars pulled up, followed by Captain Dobey in his car.

“Jeffers! What happened?”

He gave a quick report of what they had seen. Then said, “It’s my fault Hutch got shot Sir. I didn’t realize they would see me so quick at the end of the alley. I thought I could save the Fed’s agent.” He looked Captain Dobey in the eyes. “Hutch came up and pushed me behind him. He told me to call for backup. I ran back to the car and radioed in. I heard him shoot twice then I heard him get hit and turned to see him fall. I rushed back to the end of the alley.

“I was able to pull him back then I guess I must have somehow picked him up and carried him back to the car. I got him in and reversed out of the alley as they were shooting at us. As soon as we were clear I radioed about Hutch being shot.”

“Let’s go inside. Were you hit?” He noticed all the blood on Jeffers’ shirt.

“No… no… just Hutch. Why did he do that Captain Dobey? He didn’t even know me. I’d told him about the baby on the way, but we didn’t really have time to say much else before it all fell apart.”

“We’ll have to wait and ask him. But that’s the kind of person Hutch is. Always thinking of others before thinking of himself.”

They walked into the hospital and Captain Dobey told the receptionist who they were and that they were there for Kenneth Hutchinson, the detective who had been shot. She took them to a private waiting room and told them she would let the doctor know where they were.

Jeffers couldn’t sit still and began to pace in the small waiting room. Captain Dobey watched him, thinking about what Jeffers had told him. He said, “Detective Hutchinson and his partner David Starsky are both the kind of men to put their lives on the line for others. With Hutchinson knowing you’re about to be a father… No, even if he didn’t know, he still would have tried to save you. Come and sit down son.”

Jeffers sat down and put his face in his hands. “I made a rookie mistake and now Hutch might pay for it.”

Captain Dobey put his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. Before he could speak a man in blood-splattered scrubs stepped into the room.

“I’m Doctor Silvers. We’ve just taken Detective Hutchinson up to OR. He’s got a bullet lodged dangerously close to his heart and possibly one in the right side of his brain. We couldn’t tell about the wound on his head. It might just be a crease, we should know more when we get him prepped and on the OR table.”

“Did he wake up at all?” Dobey asked.

“No. I’m sorry, I have to get to the OR to assist. Someone will be here shortly to show you to the waiting room near the OR. We’ll try to keep you informed as we can. It’s pretty serious. Is there family we need to call?”

“I’ll take care of it Doctor Silvers. Thank you.”

They watched the man quickly leave. “I’m going to wait to call his family in Minnesota. I’ll call when they know more about his condition.”

“What about his partner? Starsky?”

“He’s due home tomorrow from back East. I’ll wait on calling him too.”

*****

Five hours later Doctor Silvers walked into the room where they had been moved to. He sat down on a chair across from them. He hung his head and didn’t speak.

“Doctor Silvers, how’s is he?” Dobey asked.

“He’s in recovery. We removed the bullet from his chest. It had nicked his lung and heart. He lost a significant amount of blood from that wound. We also removed a bullet lodged just inside his skull. We… I don’t know if he’ll make it. Either wound on its own might be fatal. With the two combined… I want you to be prepared. He’ll be in recovery for an hour or so then we’ll move him to Surgical ICU. I would suggest you let his family know sooner rather than later. I’m sorry… we’ve done our best… now it’s up to God.” He reached out and shook hands with Dobey and Jeffers. “They’ll let you know when they move him. Short visits only.”

The two watched the doctor get up and walk wearily out of the room. Dobey turned to the younger man. “Head on home.” When he started to protest, Dobey continued. “You need to get cleaned up. The shooting will probably be on the news. Let your wife know you’re okay. I’ll call if there’s any change. Now go. That’s an order.”

“Yes Sir. If Hutch wakes up, please tell him how sorry I am?”

“I will son. Now go. I’m sure you wife is wondering where you are. I’m going to call my wife and let her know where I am.”

“Goodbye Captain Dobey.”

He watched the young detective walk wearily out of the room. He moved over to the phone and called Edith. She started crying when he told her. He almost shed a few tears himself, but was able to hold it together.

An hour later a nurse came in and said he could have a few minutes with Hutch. He followed her into his ICU room. He had known it was going to be bad, but the sight that greeted his eyes was worse than he had imagined.

Hutch was on a ventilator. The right side of his head had been shaved and there was a thick dressing over the incision on that side of his head. He also had thick dressings over the left side of his chest. He could see chest tubes carrying blood from his left lung to bottles under the bed.

Hutch looked paler than the white sheets he was lying on. He was so still Dobey could barely see his chest rising and falling. He second guessed himself as to whether or not he should have called Starsky. If Hutch died before Starsky got here…? He shook his head. Too late now.

He walked over to the bed and put his hand on Hutch’s. “Hang in there son. You need to fight now. Stay alive. We all need you to fight.” He wiped the tears out of his eyes as the nurse stepped back in and told him he needed to leave. He left as the nurse began to check Hutch’s dressings and tubes.

Dobey walked back to the waiting room and called Edith again. He told her he was going to stay at the hospital until it was time to pick up Starsky. Then he called Hutch’s parents. Their housekeeper said they were in Europe but she would try to let them know.

He stepped into the chapel that was next to the waiting room and sank heavily onto a pew to say some prayers for Hutch, Edith, himself and mostly for Starsky. He returned to the waiting room and made himself as comfortable as he could. It was going to be a long night.

*****

The next morning he was waiting outside the ICU for Hutch’s doctor. When he came out they stepped into the waiting room.

“Doc…?”

“He’s in a coma. He’s shown no signs of voluntary movement at all. He’s still on the vent. I’ve called for a neurologist to consult on his case this morning, but I believe he will concur with me about Detective Hutchinson being in a comatose state.”

“Is there hope Dr Silvers?”

“There’s always hope. If you’re a praying man, keep praying. I’d say it’s already a miracle that he’s still with us this morning.”

***** 

Captain Dobey went in to see Hutch and again told him to keep fighting. “I’m going home then to the airport to pick up Starsky. I’ll bring him here after I pick him up. You need to hold on Hutch. Starsky will be here to see you soon. Just hold on.” He bowed his head and said another prayer that Hutch would wake up and recover from this.

He drove home and told Edith and the kids what the doctor had told him. He took a quick shower and dressed. He hugged and kissed his family and drove back to the hospital.

When he arrived one of the nurses told him Dr. Derek, the neurologist, would be out to see him in a few minutes. Dobey sat down in the waiting room. He still had some time before he had to pick up Starsky.

“Captain Dobey? I’m Dr. Derek, the neurologist for Hutchinson’s case.”

Dobey stood up and shook the man’s hand. “What can you tell me doctor?”

They sat down and the doctor spoke. “We did a few tests and I concur with Doctor Silvers that Ken is in a coma. Whether it’s from loss of blood or the head injury, we’re not sure. The EKG showed slower brain activity than we would like to see. “

“Is it permanent?”

“There’s no way to know at this point. The bullet didn’t actually penetrate his brain. We think it was the impact that’s causing the coma. His brain could be permanently damaged and he will remain like he is now, or it could heal and he might regain some abilities like talking or walking. As I said, at this point we just don’t know. For now the vent is doing its job and keeping his brain oxygenated.

“We did a short attempt at weaning him off the vent but his lungs didn’t take over breathing so we’ll leave him on the vent for now.

“Do you know if Ken has any end of life directives in place? Like a ‘do not resuscitate’ or living will?”

“No. His partner David Starsky is his DPOA. He would know. I’m supposed to pick him up at the airport this afternoon. Is… do we… does Starsky need to make a decision… soon?”

“He’s as stable as we can get him right now. But if things don’t change or they change for the worse, we’ll need to know how to proceed.”

“I’ll fill Starsky in and we’ll get back with you today. Thank you Doctor Derek.” They shook hands again and Dobey watched him walk away.

“How am I gonna tell Starsky about this?” He shook his head and left to get his car and head to the airport.

***** 

Starsky walked off the plane eager to greet his partner. He had missed Hutch during the week he had been gone. It had been great seeing his mom and making sure she was ok following her surgery, but he was glad to be home, getting ready to go back to work with Hutch. So he was a bit disconcerted to see Captain Dobey waiting for him by the gate.

“Hey Cap’n! Hutch got you playin’ taxi today? Where is the blond blintz? Double parked in the tow away zone?” Starsky laughed and looked around for Hutch.

“Come on Starsky, I’ll tell you in the car.”

A shiver worked its way up Starsky’s spine. Something was wrong. Very wrong. “Cap’n?”

“Let’s go. I, uh, don’t want to talk in the airport. Too many people around. You got more luggage than that duffle?” At Starsky’s negative nod he grabbed Starsky’s arm and led him toward the doors.

Starsky settled a bit. Hutch must be on a case. That’s why he wasn’t here to pick him up. He followed Dobey, anxious to hear about the case. And anxious to see his partner.

*****

As soon as they were out of the heavy airport traffic Starsky began to ask questions. “Is Hutch on a stakeout? What’s going on Cap’n?”

“Starsky… let me finish before you ask any more questions. Okay?”

“Sure Cap. Just tell me what’s going on.”

Dobey took a deep breath trying to buy time to figure out how to tell Starsky what had happened to Hutch. He finally decided to start at the beginning and work to the end. “Yesterday… Hutch went on a stakeout of some arm dealers with Jeffers, the new detective. They were just supposed to be there a couple of hours, until the Feds got in place. The Feds undercover man was made. Jeffers and Hutch tried to keep him from being executed.”

“Go on. What happened?” That shiver up and down his spine was back in full force.

“Hutch was shot… twice. Jeffers managed to get him back into the car and drove him to the hospital. He’s still in the hospital. He’s in intensive care. He’s in a coma Dave.” Dobey glanced at Starsky who was sitting there staring at him.

“Wha’? But he’s gonna come outta’ it? Right? He’s gonna be okay?”

Dobey pulled to a stop at a red light and looked at Starsky again. “They don’t know. His wounds were pretty extensive. I’ve called Minnesota, but his folks are in Europe. The housekeeper was going to try to reach them. Dave, it looks pretty bad. His doctors need to know how you want to proceed.”

“What do they mean ‘proceed’? I want them to do everything they can. Hutch has survived a lot worse than two bullets in him!”

The light changed and Dobey began to drive again. “He was hit in the chest. The bullet punctured his lung and nicked his heart. The other bullet was lodged in his skull. He lost a lot of blood and the blow to his head was severe.”

He watched as Starsky absorbed that information. He saw him look out the side window and blink his eyes several times. He kept his head turned as he asked, “Is he gonna die?”

“His doctors are doing all they can for him. But it doesn’t look good right now.”

Starsky swallowed down the bile rising in his throat. He continued to look out the window but wasn’t seeing the passing scenery. All he saw was Hutch… lying in a bed in ICU… possibly dying. “I wanna go to the hospital.”

“That’s where we’re headed.”

Starsky just nodded.

*****

When they got to the hospital, Dobey led the way to the ICU room where Hutch was. Starsky kept walking faster the closer they got. But when they were at the door of his room, Starsky paused as if drawn up short by invisible strings. Dobey watched him, concerned with his seeming hesitation to enter the room. He saw Starsky close his eyes and take a deep breath. When those indigo eyes opened he nodded at Dobey and stepped into the room in front of him. Dobey quickly followed, unsure of how Starsky might react to how Hutch looked.

Starsky walked over to the bed and looked Hutch up and down. He closed his eyes again and swallowed hard. He bit his lower lip and moved closer to the bed, his legs brushing the sheets that covered his partner. He reached out his hand and put it over Hutch’s, drawing it back quickly at how cold Hutch’s hand was. He just as quickly put his back over Hutch’s.

“Hey partner. You there?”

Captain Dobey pushed a chair up behind Starsky. “Sit, Dave. I’m going to go talk to his nurse.”

Starsky sank into the chair, his hand still covering Hutch’s. He didn’t notice when Dobey walked out of the room.

“Hutch? What kind of trouble did you get yourself into now? I can’t leave you alone for anytime at all but what you’re gettin’ yourself shot. What were you thinkin’?” He paused for another hard swallow, trying to keep his grief at bay “Hey, buddy, I didn’t mean to say that. It’s just ya got me worried, yanno? So why don’t you let me know you’re still here, huh? Open those baby blues or squeeze my hand or somethin’? You can do it Hutch. I know you can.”

But Hutch didn’t respond in anyway.

Starsky kept hold of Hutch’s hand but lifted the sheet to tuck both their hands under it because Hutch’s hand was so cold. He dropped his head for a moment and squeezed his eyes shut tight to keep any tears that were forming there from falling. When he opened his eyes and looked back up nothing had changed. Hutch was still lying there with the vent breathing for him, his eyes closed and his half-shaved head, with the thick dressing on the right side of it, unmoving. He was so very pale and still. Not at all the vibrant man Starsky knew.

He needed to know what had happened. “I’ll be right back, Hutch. Hang in there. I need to talk to Dobey.” He gave Hutch’s hand a squeeze and stepped out of the room. He walked up to Dobey and said, “I need to know what happened.”

“Let’s go out to the waiting room to talk. They need to work with Hutch for a little bit.” Starsky hesitated so Dobey took his arm and led him out of the ICU. When they got to the waiting room Dobey sat down but Starsky paced, eager to be back with Hutch.

“Hutch went on a stakeout and then what happened?”

Dobey told him the entire story. As Starsky heard about what Jeffers had done, his anger grew and grew.. Nothing Dobey said convinced Starsky that Hutch being in a coma wasn’t entirely Jeffers’ fault.

“If Hutch dies…”

“Starsky! It could have happened to anyone.”

“But it didn’t. It happened to Hutch!”

Their discussion was halted when someone else entered the room.

“Captain Dobey, the ICU nurse told me you were in here.” The man saw Starsky and walked toward him, holding out his hand. “You must be Starsky? I’m so sorry…”

Dobey got up from his chair and quickly got in front of the man. “Now’s not a good time.”

Starsky looked from Dobey to the new-comer and he stepped around his Captain and stood in front of the other man. “You’re Jeffers?”

As soon as the man nodded Starsky slugged him in the jaw. As Jeffers stumbled back against the wall Starsky followed and pinned him against it with his forearm across his neck. He leaned in with all his weight against Jeffers’ neck and spoke in a chilling voice, “You’re the reason my partner is in that bed fighting for his life. If he dies… How dare you show your face here!”

Dobey grabbed Starsky and somehow managed to get between the two men. As he broke the pressure of Starsky’s arm against Jeffers’ throat Jeffers slid down the wall gasping for air.

“STARSKY! Back off! Get ahold of yourself!”

Starsky turned away from them and stalked to the other side of the room to stand, looking out the window. “Get him outta’ here! I don’t want him anywhere near Hutch!”

Dobey helped Jeffers up and nodded for him to leave. Jeffers walked to the door, rubbing his throat. He stopped at the door and turned to Starsky. “I can understand how you feel.” When Starsky took a step in his direction he quickly finished. “You don’t know how sorry I am for what happened. I can’t and won’t ask for your forgiveness… not when I can’t even forgive myself.” He nodded at Dobey and left.

Starsky turned back toward the window and gazed out, sightlessly.

“Starsky…”

“Save it Cap’n. If not for Jeffers we wouldn’t be standing in this hospital room and Hutch wouldn’t be fighting for his life.”

***** 

It was dark.

And cold.

And full of pain.

Where was he?

Who was he?

Someone… someone should be here with him. Guiding him… where?

For a brief moment there had been light and heat.

It had started in his hand and quickly spread to the rest of his body.

But it was gone

And it was dark.

And it was cold.

***** 

Starsky and Dobey went back into Hutch’s room when the nurses told them they could. Dobey patted Hutch’s shoulder and told him that Edith and the kids were thinking about him. “I’m going back to the station. I’ll send a car to take you home when you’re ready to go. Call… if there’s a change.”

“I’ll be staying here, Cap’n. Hutch needs me close.” As he watched Dobey leaving he said, “Thanks Cap. For…” He didn’t know what to say. But Dobey nodded, understanding. 

Starsky pulled the chair back beside Hutch’s bed and took his hand again. He said a quick prayer in his head and started talking to Hutch. He told him about his trip to see his mother, her surgery, Nick, and about the pretty flight attendants who had given him their numbers. He talked about how he had missed Hutch. He talked about the weather, anything and everything he could think of trying to make sure Hutch knew he was there for him. He didn’t leave the room when the nurses came in, just stepped back. He told the nurses quick stories about Hutch. And as soon as they were finished with their cares he took up his position beside the bed. The bed where his other half, his partner, his heart was lying so still and cold. 

***** 

Heat.

It was back.

Seemingly out of nowhere.

That heat.

A beckoning.

But to where?

For what? 

He was floating in the silent darkness.

But tethered. 

To what? 

By what?

The cold, silent darkness swirled around him, also beckoning him… to let go.

Pain.

Crushing. 

Overwhelming. 

The darkness offered solace.

No pain.

Ever again.

But… there was that tiny spark… of heat.

***** 

Huggy came to the hospital and brought Starsky some food which he didn’t eat. “You need to eat man. The nurses tell me you don’t leave the room. Go eat. I’ll stay with our blond brother.”

“I can’t leave him Hug. If I do… I’m afraid he’ll… leave. He HAS to know I’m here. I HAVE to be here.” He glanced away from Hutch to see Huggy nodding. “Something’s pulling him away from me. I can feel it. If I leave… if I leave, it might win. I can’t lose him. I can’t…” Tears ran down Starsky’s cheeks. His breathing hitched. For a minute he thought he couldn’t draw another breath in. Huggy reached out and grabbed his shoulder and the feeling passed. “Leave the food. I promise I’ll try to eat something. Just not now.” He wiped his tears with his free hand. The other stayed wrapped around Hutch’s.

“I get it man. I do. We all need Hutch back. He has to know you’re here. He knows.” He nodded at Starsky. “Let me know if you need me. I can stay with him. Hang in there Hutch. We’re all pulling for you my man.” He patted Starsky on his back and left. 

“Hutch, did ya hear that? Huggy told ya to hang in there. Dobey and his family, everyone at Metro, the nurses here, everyone is pulling for you. Don’t pull away. Don’t let whatever it is that’s pullin’ at ya pull you away from them… from me. I need ya. You know that. Yanno I can’t… I won’t survive without ya. Hang on Hutch. Just hang on.” Starsky squeezed Hutch’s hand again. He dropped his head and sent his millionth prayer up. He turned his head to glance out the small window in the room. The sun was shining. He thought of how Hutch’s hair turned so golden in the sun. “You’re gonna need a hat till your hair grows back Blondie. Otherwise the right side of your head’s gonna get a sunburn. I’ll buy ya a great hat Hutch. Just wake up for me.”

***** 

A flicker.

A voice!

Saying a name!

Was that his name?

Say it again!

The darkness pulling… but not as strongly.

That heat.

Melting the darkness.

If I could just… 

Reach…

That heat.

***** 

Doctors Silvers and Derek came and went. Each time Starsky grilled them like they were suspects in a murder. And each time their answers were the same, “He’s holding his own.” “He’s still with us.” “He’s still in a comatose state.” And each time, when they left, he would tell Hutch that he wasn’t giving up on him. Each time he reminded Hutch of how often they had both cheated death and that this time wouldn’t be any different.

“Hutch, remember when you had the plague. Everyone thought you were gonna die. But I knew you would make it. I wasn’t ever gonna let you go. I’m not gonna let you go now either. So if you think you’re gonna get away from me, you better start thinkin’ different, cuz it’s not gonna happen. You know how stubborn I can be. You know I’ll chase you into Hell just to pull you back with me. I’m NOT givin’ up Hutch. Not now. Not ever. It’s me and thee. Forever. So get back here. Come back to me. I… my heart… won’t keep beatin’ without you. It can’t. You ARE my heartbeat. You’re my breath. Without you… “ He stopped and lowered his head to rest on their joined hands. “Don’t leave me Hutch. Please?” 

A noise at the door brought his head up. He quickly wiped his eyes and looked over his shoulder.

“Starsk? Has something changed?” Captain Dobey and Edith stood there. 

“Ah, no, Cap’n. Docs say nothing’s changed. But I think his hand feels warmer.”

The couple moved to the other side of the bed and Edith reached out to brush a lock of blond hair off Hutch’s forehead. She left her hand there for a short time. “Hey Hutch. You need to wake up. Rosie and Cal want to see you, but they won’t let them in here, so you need to get better and move to a room that they can visit you in. They send their love and these pictures they colored for you.” She put the colored pictures on the small table by the bed. “We’re all pulling for you.”

Dobey stood beside Edith, putting his arm around her and pulling her close to his side. She looked at Starsky and gave him a soft smile. “How are you holding up? Do you want a break? Harold and I can stay with him… ?”

“Thank you, but I’m okay. I, ah, don’t want to go too far.”

She nodded and walked around the bed to give him a hug and a kiss on his forehead. “I understand. If you do need to get away, I… we would be honored to stay for you.”

“I know. Thank you. That’s means a lot to me. But I’m afraid if I leave, Hutch will know. He’ll feel, I don’t know… abandoned? I don’t want him to think that.” Starsky paused. Firming his voice, “When he’s awake again I’ll take you up on that offer.” He gave Edith a warm smile, full of the thanks he was feeling.

***** 

Was there more heat?

A brighter flicker of light? 

A touch!

Soft, so soft.

Love!

He remembered… love.

Didn’t he?

Different touch.

One there every time he could… feel.

Strong. 

Warm.

Keeping him in place in the swirling darkness.

Love!

Always there.

Was it lighter?

Was it warmer?

Pain!

Pulling him back into the dark swirl.

No. No. NOOOO!!!

Don’t

Let

Me

Go.

***** 

Starsky looked at Hutch closer. Did he just move a little? Had his hand twitched? “Did you see him move?” He asked the Dobey’s. They both shook their heads ‘no’. But Starsky KNEW Hutch had moved. Everything in him told him he had! He tightened his hold on Hutch’s hand. Waiting to feel that small movement again. Nothing. But he kept his hand tight around Hutch’s. Something told him he needed to keep that connection. Now more than ever. 

The Dobey’s left. He stayed at Hutch’s side. Reaching up to ruffle the hair on the left side of his head. “I’m still here, Hutch. I got you. I’m not gonna let you go. Rest and heal. I’ll be here. Just like I’m always at your side.” He kept his hold even when the nurses came in to work with Hutch. They worked around him, knowing he wouldn’t step out of the room, no matter what duties they were performing. He never failed to thank them for their care of Hutch but he would not be moved from his bedside.

“Hey buddy. I’m still here. The Dobeys were here. Cal and Rosie sent their love. You need to come back from wherever you are. I need to see your baby blues open. I need you to tell me to stop fussing over you. Please? Don’t leave me. Come back. I need you. I won’t even gripe when you call my car a ‘tomato’. Promise Hutch. Just wake up.” He reached up to mimic Edith’s touch on his brow. “Hey, you feel a little warmer! Is it a fever? I’m gonna call the nurse in here. Hold on Buddy.” He got up, releasing his hold on Hutch’s hand and stepping out to get his nurse.

***** 

Un-tethered.

Cold.

Freezing.

Dark.

Drifting into the blackness.

What?

Why?

Where did love go?

Darker.

Colder.

Pain!!

***** 

Starsky and the nurse ran back into Hutch’s room at the shrill sound of a machine alarming. Starsky put his hands on Hutch’s cheeks and started talking. “HUTCH! Hey! What’s going on? Hutch? I’m here, don’t leave, I’m here!”

Doctor Silvers ran in the room with other staff and tried to move Starsky, but the furthest he moved was to the foot of Hutch’s bed where he reached under the sheet to grab Hutch’s ankle. “I’m still here! I’m here! Sorry I left for a little bit! I won’t leave again, I promise Hutch. Don’t leave.” 

The alarm silenced as quickly as it had started. Starsky watched as the ICU staff checked Hutch over carefully. “He felt warm. Before this started. I was on my way to tell you.” One of the nurses quickly checked Hutch’s temp and showed the results to Doctor Silvers.

“It’s up a little, 99.9. We may need to change his antibiotic. Get lab up here for stat blood cultures. Push his oxygen up to 3 liters. Let’s bump his IV up a bit too. Make him a little better hydrated. I need a mask and gloves, I want to look at his chest tubes, make sure they’re not a source of any infection.” The doctor looked at Starsky. “Get him a mask too, I’m thinking he’s not going to leave while I check them?” At Starsky’s negative nod, he began pulling the sheets down Hutch’s body to expose the dressings covering his chest. 

The doctor prepared while Starsky put on the mask handed to him. He steeled himself as the dressings were removed. He still felt a little faint as the extent of the bullet wound and the chest tube site were revealed. He locked his knees, his hands still on Hutch’s ankles. He wouldn’t let his partner down again. The wounds were checked and cleaned. New dressings were applied.

“I think he may have a little pneumonia. Not too unusual in this situation. I’ll order a chest X ray as well. He seems to be trying to breathe on his own. We may try to wean him off the vent later today.” As he watched Starsky remove his mask he noted the paleness. “Your partner is still with us. Everyday he’s still with us makes me believe he might beat this. Keep talking to him. He does hear everything you say. He may not know what’s being said, but he does hear it. I’d say you’re one of the reasons he IS still with us.” He patted Starsky on the back as he left the room to write out his orders. The nurses finished getting Hutch put back to rights and Starsky re-claimed his chair and his grip on Hutch’s hand. 

“Don’t scare me like that again, Hutch! You hear me!” He wiped his hand across his eyes, not even realizing he had been crying. He took a deep breath, watching all the machines, seeing them all indicating ‘normals’ for whatever they were monitoring. “Damn Hutch. You sure do know how to let a person know not to leave you alone!”

***** 

Captured.

His hand was caught in something.

He was drawn back.

Warmer.

That hint of light.

A flicker.

Love.

Love was back.

But love was crying?

If his eyes were open, he closed them. 

And rested.

Tethered.

To love.

***** 

“Dobey’s office. Dobey here.”

“Captain Dobey, it’s Mark Jeffers. I wanted to let you know my wife had the baby today. A boy! Everything’s fine. But I’ll be off for a week until my wife and son get released to head home.”

“Congratulations Mark. I’m very happy for you. Please give your wife my best!”

“Yes Sir, I will.”

***** 

“Are you sure about this, Cindy? We don’t have to.”

“I’m sure Mark. And I know you are too. It’s only right.”

“You know Starsky’s not gonna be happy to see us there?”

“We’re still going to do this.”

“Okay. Tomorrow morning. I love you.”

“I love you too Mark.”

***** 

They had weaned Hutch off the vent last night. He was breathing on his own now and Doctor Silvers was pleased with his progress. Starsky was too, but there was still a long ways to go.

Starsky had been napping in his chair beside Hutch’s bed when he heard a noise in the doorway. He stood quickly when he saw Mark Jeffers standing in the door. He put his body squarely between Jeffers and Hutch. “What are YOU doing here?”

Before Jeffers could answer a woman slipped past him and walked over to Starsky. “He’s here because I asked him to bring me and our baby here to see you.” She pulled the blanket-covered bundle from her shoulder and pulled the blanket back. “This is our son. He was born yesterday.” She continued when Starsky only glanced at the baby. “His name is Kenneth Mark Jeffers. I wanted to somehow thank Detective Hutchinson for saving my husband’s life. I wanted to honor him in some small way.”

Starsky looked down at the baby sleeping so peacefully in his mother’s arms. He wasn’t totally heartless. This tiny baby didn’t have anything to do with Hutch’s condition. He reached out a finger and gently brushed it over the sparse blond hair on the baby’s head. “Congratulations. I’m sure Hutch would be proud to know you named your child after him.” He glanced at Jeffers. “I’m sorry. I know you didn’t intend for Hutch to get shot.” He put out his hand and Jeffers reached out to shake it.

“I can never make this up to Hutch or you. But I want you to know I learned my lesson. And if you ever need backup or help, I promise to be there, and be the best I can be.”

Starsky nodded at him. He turned to Mrs. Jeffers only to be surprised when she placed the baby in his arms and smiled at him. He looked down and saw blue eyes seeming to look back at him. “Hey there Kenneth James. You sure have a pretty mama.” 

But the baby apparently didn’t like not being in his mama’s arms because he let out a small squeak then proceeded to cry very loudly. “I’m so sorry.” Cindy said as she took the baby back. The nurses said as long as he was quiet it would be alright. We should go.”

Just then Hutch moved his head. 

Starsky heard the pillow case rustling and caught the movement out of the corner of his eye. “Hutch!” He was instantly back at his bedside. “Jeffers, call the nurse!” He heard him step out of the room. The baby stopped crying but continued to make soft cooing noises. At each noise Hutch moved again. “Hutch. You with us?”

***** 

Sounds.

Crying.

Something was crying. 

Was it him?

No.

Small. 

Frightened.

He had to… what? 

Find the light.

Help.

He struggled to open his eyes.

***** 

Nurses and Doctor Silvers came in the very moment Hutch opened his eyes. Starsky felt tears running down his cheeks. He turned to see Mark and Cindy standing by the wall, both with tears in their eyes too. The baby was cuddled against his mother’s shoulder. Still cooing small sounds.

“Ba… by…? Hurrr?” Voice raspy from the vent and disuse, still understandable.

“HUTCH!” He looked at Doctor Silvers who had a smile on his face. “The baby is okay. He just didn’t want to be held by anyone other than his mom.” He watched as Hutch’s eyes roamed the room and stopped, focused on him.

“Star… sky?”

“Yeah Hutch. It’s me.” Tears were still running down his face.

“Cry?”

“Because I’m happy.”

“I need to check out Ken, if you could all step out of the room for a few minutes?” Doctor Silvers was still smiling, but adamant.

“I won’t go far Hutch. Promise. You promise not to go anywhere either.”

Hutch looked puzzled but did make a small nod.

Starsky and the Jeffers family stepped out to the waiting room. Mark kept back away from Starsky but Cindy walked up and hugged him. “I’m so glad he woke up. I’ve been praying for him every day. I’ll continue to pray for a full recovery. Someday, maybe he would like to meet his… and your… Godson?”

Starsky got choked up. He looked down then back up at this amazing woman. “We would both be honored.” 

He kissed her on her cheek then stepped up to Mark and shook his hand again. “Thank you. I think hearing your baby cry helped Hutch wake up. He’s always been a sucker for babies.”

“I’m glad we might have helped. But I think it had more to do with you not ever leaving his side. I hope someday I’m lucky enough to find a partner like you.” He turned to Cindy. “We need to go so he can get back to Hutch.” They waved and left. Starsky walked back into the ICU to wait for Doctor Silvers come out of Hutch’s room.

***** 

A week later, Hutch was in a private room. He was receiving physical and speech therapy. His wounds were healing well and Doctor Silvers had told Starsky he might discharge him next week if he continued to progress. He would still be off work, but could do his therapy at home and as an outpatient.

Starsky no longer spent 24 hours with Hutch, but was still there as often as he could be. He was now the one tied to a desk as he waited for Hutch to recover. He was on his way into Hutch’s room when he heard voices coming from it. He stepped in to see Cindy standing by the bed. Hutch had his godson in his arms and was grinning like a fool.

“Now that’s a picture I would like to have. Two blonds with similar hairdos!” Starsky laughed and bent down to kiss the baby on his nearly bald head. Then he dropped a kiss on the bald side of Hutch’s head. Short hairs were growing out and tickled his lips. 

“Starsk! I thought you had to work today?”

“Dobey got tired of me pacing the squad room and told me to leave and not come back until Monday, so I thought I’d stop in and entertain you. But I see you already found entertainment.” He gave Cindy a quick hug. “Are you sure you want to name your kid after this lug? I think “David Mark” is a much better name!” He laughed at Hutch’s expression. It felt so good to know he was going to recover completely. For a second he let the peace of that thought wash over and through him.

“We need to go. Daddy’s going to take us out to the park for a stroll today.” She scooped the baby out of Hutch’s arms and gave him a sweet smile. “I know I’ve said it before, but thank you.”

Hutch blushed. “I didn’t… Anyone would have… “ Hutch stopped. “You’re welcome.” 

Cindy smiled and left.

Starsky sat down beside the bed. “How was therapy today?”

“Good. I was able to walk the length of the hall without getting short of breath. Doc said I didn’t need speech therapy anymore.”

“Boy is he wrong about that!” Starsky laughed and ducked the arm Hutch swung toward him. He sobered quickly as he saw the serious look on his partner’s face. 

“What’s wrong Blondie? Talk to me.”

“I keep remembering some things. But I don’t know what they mean.”

“Things like what?”

“I was floating in the dark. And it was so cold. But then… it was like there was something holding on to me. Starsk?”

“I…uh… I held your hand. I was afraid you’d die if I let you go. I felt like something was pulling you away from me, so I held on.” He met soft blue eyes looking at him with love.

“Love. You were ‘love’. And love wouldn’t let me go.” Those blue eyes got teary. “Thank you Starsk. Thank you.”

“Anytime Hutch.” His own eyes teary, he blinked and grinned at Hutch. “But there better not be a next time. Got that Blondie?”

“I got it Gordo.” He paused. “Just like I got you. And I will never let you go either. Thank you… love.”


End file.
